seeking first the kingdom of God
**WOW, it’s been a while since I wrote on this blog. Intern year is busy, as you’ll find out from this post. I hope to write a lot more soon!**
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:26-34, NIV
Growing up Christian I was exposed to this passage from the Bible many times. But it became real to me this past winter.
I have a test coming up, the USMLE Step 3, and when the new year came I knew it was time to study for it. I happened to be on a very time-intensive rotation, pediatric surgery, but I knew I had to start reading for the test. I had a big review book and I read it every day. Every moment I wasn’t taking care of patients I was reading this book. I stopped going to church, I stopped seeing friends, and I basically stopped everything I’d done the last semester. I thought it was what I had to do in order to do well on tests — I had to study hard, dedicate every moment to studying, and put friends and other life things on the back burner.
I wasn’t completely wrong. I did have to regularly study, and I was able to learn a lot of things while studying. But by the third week, I was losing steam. I had read about 80% of the book, but I couldn’t bring myself to read the last 20%. I had no energy. I was miserable. I would get distracted every time I tried to read, and I just remember being really sad and empty.
One Sunday, while I was at work (because intern year doesn’t seem to care for Sundays all that much), I realized what my problem was. Somehow, I had managed to put this test at the center of my life instead of letting God be there. I never thought I would be able to do this. I had spent most of my life fleeing from studying for standardized tests until close to the very last minute, and then suffering for weeks at a time as I crammed everything I was supposed to learn. (See my Step 1 and Step 2 stories for details.) I thought of myself as lazy. I never thought I would become a workaholic, but that was what I had become, and I was losing energy fast because of it.
I came to the realization that if I didn’t get my relationship with God together, that nothing else in my life would come together.
And from that day on I shifted my priorities. That week, I decided that instead of making studying my first priority, that my relationship with God would be my first priority, and that studying would be second. (I had only done well on my standardized tests due to God’s help anyway, so I figured that there was no reason to put studying ahead of that.) Every evening when I came home from work, instead of immediately trying to get into study mode, I would listen to a sermon first and then study. I also signed up at the last minute for a Christian young adult retreat that my friend had invited me for. Initially, I had figured I needed the weekend for studying, but after my epiphany at work, I realized that I needed God more than anything.
Within a couple of weeks, my life was back together. I finished the book earlier than I’d anticipated despite missing three days of scheduled reading due to the retreat. I took a practice test and scored 45 points higher (!!!) than my first practice test. On top of this, I cleaned my room, I bought and cooked healthy food for myself and started losing weight (which I wasn’t aiming to do), and I found time to catch up with my family and friends. Most importantly, I got my relationship with God back. And I was finally happy again.
The reason why Christians read the Bible again and again, even as we get older, is that the lessons from the book keep coming good, even as we get older.