Newbie's Guide: What is prayer and how do I pray?
So what is prayer, anyway?
If you grew up religious in any way, you know what prayer is. If you don’t, you may have no idea what we’re talking about.
Defined by the Oxford Dictionary, prayer is “a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or any object of worship”.
Defined more simply, prayer is talking to God.
Whether it’s asking Him for help with something, talking to him about your day, thanking and praising Him, or even being angry at Him, God wants you to talk to him about anything and everything.
The book of Psalms is probably the greatest evidence in the Bible that God is willing to hear anything that’s on your heart. Supposedly a book of sacred songs that were made to be sung in group settings, the Psalms express practically every emotion possible, from joy and happiness to anger, sadness and jealousy.
Some evidence thereof:
Joy: “My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; my tongue is as a pen of a ready writer.” (Psalm 45:1)
Happiness: “Make a joyful shout unto the LORD, all you lands! Serve the LORD with gladness; come before His presence with singing.” (Psalm 100:1-2)
Anger: “Vindicate me, O LORD my God, according to Your righteousness, and let them not rejoice over me….Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion who rejoice at my hurt; let them be clothed with shame and dishonor who exalt themselves against me.” (Psalm 35:24 and 26)
Frustration: “Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain and washed my hands in innocence, for all day long I have been plagued and chastened every morning.” (Psalm 72:13)
Despair: “I am counted with those who go down to the pit; I am like a man who has no strength, adrift among the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom You remember no more, and who are cut off from Your hand.” (Psalm 88:4-5)
It is astonishing how much these songwriters pour out their hearts to God, and it is encouraging that all of these songs, with all of their feelings, are recorded so that we can do the same. Contrary to popular belief, God is not someone who you have to button yourself up for and only show your best side to. He is your Creator, and he knows everything about you already. Another psalm, Psalm 139, describes God this way:
“O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
and are acquainted with all of my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
but behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.”
(Psalm 139:1-4)
Think about this for a second. If God knows everything you’re thinking, and knows everything you want to say before you even say it….then why would He want anything other than a fully honest relationship with you? Some of the worst relationships you can have as a human are ones where you know something is totally wrong, but for some reason, you have to pretend like everything’s okay and put on airs. God is not like that, and He doesn’t want you to be like that.
You really can talk to God about everything that’s on your mind.
However, praying (or talking) to God is obviously different from talking to another person. Number one, He isn’t a person you can see, so learning how to talk to and listen to Him is a little different from talking to and listening to other human beings. Number two, He isn’t just some normal human being. He is God, the creator of the universe and everything in it, including you. He definitely has thoughts and opinions, many of which are very different from your own. If you want to talk to Him honestly, you’re going to have to learn to listen to His honest opinions. And many of His answers will surprise you!
How to pray
That leads us to the question: how do we pray?
As we saw with just the Psalms, there are many different ways that we can pray to God. A good structure for starting to pray is provided by Jesus in Matthew 6. Seasoned Christians will refer to this prayer as The Lord’s Prayer:
“Our Father in Heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one,
For Yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever.
Amen.”
(Matthew 6:9-13 NKJV)
The Lord’s Prayer is often prayed verbatim, especially in more structured, “liturgical” services (such as a Catholic or Anglican service). And while it is totally fine to pray this prayer as written, it is even better to pray this prayer while knowing exactly what it means and how you can use this prayer to guide your own prayers. So without further ado, here’s a (very short and not comprehensive) breakdown of the Lord’s Prayer.
“Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name.”
We begin by referring to God by His title or name, and by giving Him the glory He deserves. As the Son of God, Jesus referred to God as his Father, and when we accept Him into our hearts, we become children of God as well, and can call Him “Father” too! “Father” is one of the many, many names for God in the Bible, and you can address Him by any of the names given to Him. The most common name ascribed to God in the Bible is “the LORD” (Kyrios in Greek, or Adonai in Hebrew), and this name is always a good place to start as well.
“Hallowing” God’s name simply means to keep His name holy. It is acknowledging that God is, well, God; that He is separate from everyone else, and is the preeminent person or deity above any other person or deity. Starting with acknowledging God by name, and by acknowledging that His name is holy, puts your focus on God, and not on you and your problem. It also helps you start to see your problem in relation to the magnitude and holiness of God, and you’ll find that this practice makes your problem a whole lot smaller than it seems.
“Your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
This part of the prayer is asking for God’s will to be done in whatever situation you’re in. The Kingdom of God constitutes the rule and principles of God, so when you’re asking for God’s Kingdom to come to earth, or into the situation you’re praying for, you’re asking for His purpose and principles to take over, or reign over, your situation. Again, this is very helpful for taking the attention off of you and your problems, and putting it on God and his purpose.
“Give us this day our daily bread.”
Now after hallowing God and submitting our problem to His will, we then pray about the problem. At first this seems counterintuitive. I thought you said we can pray to God about our problems directly, you might be thinking to me. And you’re right about that! Again, the Lord’s Prayer is not the only acceptable structure for praying. Many times in the Bible, people (including Jesus) pray to God straight about their problems without following this structure. However, you’ll find that the kingdom of God often works upside down like this — by taking the attention off your problem, and seeing your problem in comparison to God, it will actually help you see your problem as solvable, and will help you trust that God can and will deal with your problems.
“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”
Forgiveness is BIG in the kingdom of God. As you probably learned when you first came to Christ, we all begin in this life as sinners, or people who have missed God’s standard. We deserve judgment and eternal separation from God because of our sins, but because Jesus came to earth as a man and died for our sins, we now can be forgiven by God and obtain our wonderful relationship with Him. 1 John 1:9 says that “if we confess [own up to] our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. So, if we know we’ve done something wrong, we can confess it to God, knowing that the price for our sin has already been paid through Jesus. Because God has forgiven us of our sins, He definitely expects us to forgive other people of their sins. There are multiple examples in the Bible that I can give, but the shortest one is this: “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25-26)
That’s a pretty big punishment for not forgiving! The entire subject of forgiveness is one for another day, but I’ll tell you this; forgiveness doesn’t mean just absolving the person without seeking proper consequences, but it does mean letting go of what they’ve done and not allowing it to affect your life anymore. In my experience, it is one of the most freeing processes I have ever done for myself — it prevents my past hurts from living rent free in my head. It is a painful, but very necessary and healing process. Plenty more on this subject is in the extra materials section.
“And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”
The evil one referred to in this passage is the devil, or Satan. Yes, there’s a devil. He is not a little red guy with horns — he is way more subtle than that. The devil, like God, is a spirit and is therefore invisible, but unlike God, who created everything in the world to be good, the devil messes up everything and intends everything to be worse off than it was before. Jesus describes him like this in John 10:10: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.” He does this primarily through temptation, which is the process of getting into your thoughts and emotions to try and get you to do something wrong. He will often make the wrong choice seem very enticing, or very rational, but no matter how rational it seems, it will always end up being wrong in the end. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to death.” The devil will always lead you in the way that seems right but will eventually lead to death. This is a prayer to God to guard us against him. Part 3 of this series talks a LOT more about how to deal with the devil.
“For Yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen.”
We started with glorifying God, and we end with glorifying God. “Amen” is a Hebrew word that means “let it be so”. It is a declaration that God heard what you prayed and that whatever you prayed will happen according to His perspective.
The Lord’s Prayer is a great guide on how to pray, and specifically what to pray for when you don’t know what you should be praying for. Again, it is not a strict structure that has to be used every time you pray. There are many different kinds of prayer in the Bible other than the Lord’s Prayer, including:
Just talking to God like a friend (Revelation 3:20)
The prayer of consecration (Luke 22:42)
The prayer of faith (John 11:41)
The prayer of thanksgiving (Psalm 100, Matthew 14:19, Luke 22:19)
The prayer of praise (1 Chronicles 29:11, Psalm 150)
And my personal favorite…the simple cry for help! (2 Chronicles 18:31)
I will go over a couple of specific types of prayer that take more time and effort in part 3. For now, I hope this gives a good guide as to how to start praying to God. Of course, like any conversation, prayer to God is a two-way street, and it’s just as important to learn how to hear from God as it is to learn how to talk to God. Our next section will go over just that; how to listen for God’s voice, and how to distinguish His voice from other voices, including your voice and the devil’s voice.