Resident devotional # 4: Truth hurts

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the healers. Ephesians 4:29 NKJV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Proverbs 27:6 NKJV

Allow me to get very vulnerable with you for a second, dear reader. One of the most difficult things I have found about transitioning from school (20 years of it) to the workplace is finding out how to negotiate with people. School didn’t teach me how to deal with people! Ask me to read a 300 page book on the biology of the human hand, or to write a 10-page paper in 12 hours, and I can do that easily, because school taught me how to do that. But ask me how to receive hard feedback from a senior, or how to tell a coworker to stop micromanaging my every move, and I crumble. I hate confrontation. I worry that if I disagree with a person and make that known to them, that my words will be offensive, the person will get mad at me, and that the situation will only get worse. So my tendency is to bottle up my feelings and endure whatever annoyance or injustice I see, in order to “keep the peace”.

I assume this is not a universal struggle, and that some of you are very good at confronting people nicely and getting what you want. If so, good for you! You can probably skip this day and go onto the next devotional. But for everyone who struggles with even thinking about how to confront people? This is for you, and I am here with you!

The longer I’ve been out of school and in the workplace, the more I’ve learned that avoiding confrontation is impossible. You will run into situations where the choice is either to speak up or accept really bad consequences. For example, as an anesthesia resident, falling asleep in the OR, while you’re watching a patient, is a big no-no. And yet you often end up working long hours, so you’ll be very tired in the operating room. If you know you’re very tired and need a break, you have two options. The first one is to not ask for a break so that you can “be strong” and not inconvenience any of your coworkers or look “weak” to the attendings, and to try and tough out the case. You might get lucky and get to the end of the case without falling asleep, but you run the even bigger risk of actually falling asleep in the OR and missing a vital sign change or an emergency — then you’ll really look incompetent! Therefore, the second and safest option is to ask for a quick break, as soon as possible, so that you can sleep or at least get some coffee or an energy drink. But if you’re anything like me, when the time comes to do something like this, you’re usually scared — how do you ask this uncomfortable question without being mean or “looking bad”?

The verse today, Ephesians 4:29, gives some hints. It says to not let any corrupt speech come out of our mouths, but to only let out what is good for necessary edification. The Greek word for “corrupt” here is sapros, and it denotes any speech that is rotten, of poor quality, or worthless. Insults and personal attacks will get you nothing but offense and revenge, and should be avoided when confronting people. The opposite word here, edification (oikodome in Greek), means anything that will build a person up. Generally, we perceive this to mean complimenting a person and cheering them on, and that is a correct and necessary part of edification! But you know what else building people up involves? Telling the truth, even when it hurts.

John 8:32 says, “the truth will set you free”, and Proverbs 27:6 says that “the wounds of a friend are faithful”. If the thing you need to say is true, and if it will help you and your team to become better and to avoid costly errors, then you should feel free to say it. Even if it sounds harsh, and even if the person you tell the truth complains at first, it will only serve to help you and your coworkers in the end. (For all my confrontation-haters, we will get through it together!)

Never be afraid to tell people the truth in love.